12 Living with a Loving Spirit

Jadene Sloan Ransdell

January 03, 2026

  In the Spring of 2014, I was told that Matt had Alzheimer’s. If you have read my previous entries, you may remember that I thought he was going to fade away and die within a few short years. As I begin this new year, I am grateful that the diagnosis was extremely premature and I have been blessed with nearly twelve more years of Matt’s unconditional love.

The purpose of this blog is to document Matt’s life, aging with Down syndrome. Today’s entry is about my life as his advocate and caregiver. I have come to know that it is essential to acknowledge what happens to parents and other family members when we care for a loved one with Down syndrome and Alzheimer’s. It’s a long journey and can take its toll on each of us.

In my entry for September 2024, I shared some of the changes I observed in Matt’s behavior, skills, and health. While the changes continue, they are slow and steady. It’s no longer a question of whether the diagnosis is correct; the signs are unmistakable.

My connection with many families through the support group I created on a popular social media platform has become a lifeline. I find myself paying closer attention to the posts and comments because I relate to the shared experiences even more. I’ve become close friends with several members and have found comfort in talking about my fears and worries. Through these friends, I am reminded to seek joy in every encounter I have with Matt. That’s not hard, as Matt has such a loving spirit.

I will be honest: I am afraid of losing Matt. When my husband, Joe, died nearly five years ago (how can that be?), I grieved hard. I don’t believe any other death hit me as intensely. Since I know that an Alzheimer’s diagnosis is a terminal illness, I catch myself wondering how I will survive Matt’s death. Of course, given my age, there is still a chance that I could go before him, but today, that seems unlikely.

Let me tell you about Christmas! I love the spirit of the universe in the weeks leading up to this holy day in the Christian faith. Since I was a child, my favorite Bible story has been the one about that newborn baby. (Even as a little girl, I had a sweet spot for babies and young children.) Christmas has been my favorite holiday for my entire life.

The storage spaces in my home are filled to the brim with the shiny baubles of the season, and this year I wanted my place to explode with Christmas joy! It took me several weeks to get everything in its perfect spot, and when I finished, it looked as if I was living in the sweetest little Christmas shop. I did it all for Matt. I wanted this Christmas to be a visual expression of how much I loved him. The fear I was covering with all the tinsel and twinkle was that this could be the last Christmas he would thoroughly enjoy. (I know it’s not good for me to think that every holiday will be the last that he is engaged with me, but it is what happens, and I’m trying to be honest as I share with you.)

When Matt came through the front door, he looked at the three small trees I had decorated at the entryway: one each for his brother and his two nephews. And then his eyes were drawn to the large tree in the living room. That crooked smile told me he was ready for Santa's presents.

Some of my concern was fueled by the previous Christmas when he didn’t seem interested in unwrapping his gifts. While he was slow this year, he stayed attentive with the support of his staff, who shared this time with us. Throughout the day, he interacted with his brother; their shenanigans were delightful to watch, even when Michael reminded Matt how to “shoot the bird.”

To my surprise, Matt was able to spend more than five hours with me. One of the most significant signs Matt is exhibiting is the loss of energy and stamina he once had. He often falls asleep in his chair. His eyes are a telltale sign that he is tired, and it wasn’t until I was walking to the car with him that I noticed the fatigue in his eyes.

I was exhausted at the end of the day, and I realized that my friends were right. I had found joy in the hours we spent together. Matt was happy. My heart was brimming with love.  

I’ve had a week to reflect on that day with my family. I’ve also reflected on how I have been processing the decline I am witnessing. I know that I cannot live with the anticipation of losing this man, this child of mine, because when I am in that mindset, I am missing the moment we are sharing. And while I no longer make New Year’s resolutions, I have made some conscious decisions about my life.

In less than a week, I will celebrate my seventy-eighth birthday, and I have had enough trips around the sun to know that when I live with a loving spirit, I feel better. I have more energy and more enthusiasm for everything I do. Since I lost Joe, I have worked hard to take care of myself. While I’ve not been as consistent as I would have liked, I always start again.  

To help me live in a loving spirit, I’ve created a new routine – or maybe I should say, I’ve started again. My mornings belong to me, and I’ve been adding more self-care into my schedule. Every day I:

·       Meditate – time for quiet reflection that includes a sense of gratitude.

·       Write in my journal, content for my new book, or a short essay just for fun!

·        Move in a qigong session (similar to tai chi). Fun fact, I’ve been having some problems with increased blood pressure since Christmas. This morning, I took readings before and after my qigong session, and my systolic pressure dropped by 14 points after just ten minutes of gentle movement!  

·       Walk at least a mile – I do that in segments throughout the day because I’ve had trouble in the past spending too much time at my computer, and I am finding this is a good way to stretch and move a little every hour.

·       Drink – water, after my morning coffee. I’m finally drinking water throughout the day and find I now prefer it over other beverages.

·       Strength Train –with full disclosure, I haven’t been good on this account for a few months and have yet to get it back into my morning practice…but it’s coming soon.

I know I’m fortunate to have the time and space to do each of these things as I start the day. And I know that those who provide full-time caregiving to a loved one may not have the time to keep a schedule like mine. However, I know I feel better physically, mentally, and spiritually when I make some time for myself.

My challenge to you, my dear readers, is to find at least five minutes for yourself. Think of life as a cross-country trip. It’s not possible to drive from the East Coast to the West Coast in one day. It takes planning, perseverance, and a commitment to the goal. If you need to start small, with a one-minute break, that's fine! Do that. Just make a promise to take care of yourself! Start today!

I’d love to hear from you, so send me an email to let me know what you are doing for yourself. I send you New Year’s greetings and much love.